I hear it whenever I post about a ride I’ve done. “you’re crazy, you tolerate a lot of suffering, that must be so painful”, along with the inevitable, “I could never do that!”
First, I’m not some sort of masochist who enjoys suffering. If I was suffering, I wouldn’t make it my biggest form of recreation. I’m not about to go out and seek suffering, and frankly. if I’m suffering, I’m going to look for a way out.
I’m Not Suffering, I’m Having Fun
Sonya called back to me after a couple of hours pushing through mud, slush, ice, and snow, “Are you having fun?” I evaluated myself, and discovered that yes, I was in fact having fun. When I answered affirmatively, she said, “good, I’m not the only one.”We had set out on a routine 250km gravel ride, maybe 15 hours of riding. We were doing something hard, it turned into nearly 24 hours of riding and pushing, but the rewards of doing something difficult are inherent. We were having fun because of the joy of challenge.
Adam (then age 17) and I were left behind by the group we were bikepacking with. It was -15ºC, it was dark, there was no moon, the others has the last working lights. We followed the group by starlight, and using a lighter to find tire tracks in the snow at intersections. The following day, when we listed our favourite parts of the trip, Adam thought being alone in the dark navigating by the light of a lighter was the most fun.
Nobody wants to read a book about someone sitting on the sofa. High school writing classes taught about the protagonist facing challenges, obstacles, and adversity. By setting myself up to do something difficult, I am putting myself in the role of the protagonist, making myself the protagonist in my own story. My life memories are not going to be of watching a great episode on TV, but of the times when I faced challenges.
Discomfort is not the same as suffering.
Lots of people suffer, disease, famine, injury, and much more can cause suffering. Starving is a lot different than running out of food and being hungry for a couple of days. While I have lost alarming amounts of weight on trips gone poorly, I won’t compare myself to someone suffering from hunger. Likewise, saddle sores, sore muscles, and fatigue are uncomfortable, sometimes painful, but still not suffering. Like I mentioned, I’d stop if I was suffering.
Sometimes my discomfort may cross the threshold and become pain, but people tolerate pain for a lot of reasons. I have friends and a wife with tattoos, and none of them complain of the suffering involved. Plenty of people set themselves up for pain again and again just because they want the result of that pain, whether that be a tattoo, a piercing, or a baby.
Concentrated life
Working through challenges is tough, and those tough moments are when we feel most alive. Seeing the sunrise after riding through the night, the joy of the summit of a long climb, reaching a destination after wading through waist-deep snow for hours, are all times when the thrill of accomplishment is intense.
I’m not going to deny that it’s an addiction, chugging from the cup of life is a rush, not so different from drugs in the sense of well-being that it brings. I do think it’s a fairly healthy addiction though, I can fondly remember the fun adventures that I’ve had, and I can’t really say that for times when I’ve been drunk.
“I Could Never do That”
I met Sofiane Sehili in Kyrgyzstan, he was there to win, to place first (which he did). He is one of the top racers in the world. Lael Wilcox is attempting a round-the-world record this year. She is one of the top racers in the world. Jenny Tough wrote a book about running a mountain range on every continent. She my favourite ultra-distance trail runner in the world.
I’m me, and I’m not going to be nearly as good as any of them at their challenges, I need to challenge myself. I don’t need to live up to someone else’s standards, I need to live up to mine. You probably can do what I do, but better yet, find your own challenge. The old adage of “never meet your heroes” may have some truth to it, but I have met some of my heroes and liked them very much. I’m more inclined to say “never try to be your heroes”.
Sonya’s Insight
[Sonya is a stellar athlete, trains hard, and invited me on the training ride mentioned above. She helped catalyze this article. I am absolutely grateful grateful for the adventure and for the photos]Doug joined me on this 250k adventure to serve as my training peak for my upcoming bike packing event with a longer distance of 429k. I learned a lot from this man as one would from a captive teacher for 24 hours and I check off so many boxes I have mentally been needing to complete.
I’m not new to cycling but I am new to these bigger distances and as an over-organizer, I thought I had this nailed. I had not.
Doug mentions our ride was hard, but at no point did I feel like I was suffering. Discomfort at times, yes. Cold, sometimes. Fun, always. Having fun is a mindset. Even in the middle of the night, pushing bikes through snow for hours, I remember that moment I looked back at him and asked him if he was having fun. I was and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone in the absurdity of the situation.
What should have taken 15 hours truly did roll through to the next morning. At some point, time ceased to exist and then all of a sudden there was a beautiful sunrise, accompanied by a tailwind. The reward for me after persevering were the lessons learned that I could take into my upcoming event.
Just chill. We get there when we get there. Expect to be late. Prepare to be late. You might be cold or wet. Bring that gear. Don’t sweat it. Things happen. Appreciate the differences in people. There is joy in challenge. Of course, a story goes along with each point {insert – Garmin fail, lost headlight, bad sealant, falling asleep on the bike, ditch shivering, leaving puffy jacket in the car, snow/mud, headwind} but learning from even one point was more take away than I could have ever hoped for.
So, I just completed my event and often thought about my 24 hours with Doug. It took longer than expected, the weather was moody, the course conditions tough and although there were some uncomfortable moments, I didn’t suffer. It was fun…for 42 hours. Thank you, Doug, for the lessons learned and for showing me that I can live up to my own challenge.
